Stand-up Comedy - Joe Eagan |
One-liners
One-liners är oftast, som
namnet antyder, en eller högst några få meningar.
En one-liner är ett fristående påstående
och brukar inte vara anslutet till resten av komikerns uppträdande.
Här är en lista på några av mina favorit
one-liners genom tiderna. |
“Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the
only one
you can get yelled at for having. "Dammit Otto,
you are an alcoholic." "Dammit Otto, you have
lupus" ... one of those two doesn't sound right.”
- Mitch Hedberg |
|
|
“I was in a bar, minding my own business, and
this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna
have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As
though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're
flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire
exit.”
-Mitch Hedberg |
|
|
“Environmentalists tell us that every day an area
the size of Wales is destroyed. Why is it never Wales?”
- Jimmy Carr
|
|
|
"The universe has come to an end in Houston, where
there's a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks.
Is this for Alzheimer's sufferers? You finish your coffee
and walk out the door and go 'Oh, look, a Starbucks!'"
- Lewis Black |
|
|
"Drug dealers don't sell drugs. Drugs sell themselves...You
don't ever really got to try to sell crack. I never
heard of crack dealers going, 'Man, how am I going to
get rid of all this crack? It's just piled up in my
house."
- Chris Rock |
|
|
“Black people dominate sports in the USA, We’re
20% of the population, but…we own basketball,
baseball, football, golf, tennis, and as soon as they
make a heated hockey rink, we’ll take that shit
too.”
- Chris Rock |
|
|
“She was known as a two bagger. That's when a
girl is so ugly that you put a bag over your head in
case the bag over her head breaks.”
- Rodney Dangerfield |
|
|
“You know when they have a fishing show on TV?
They catch the fish and then let it go.
They don't want to eat the fish; they just want to make
it late for something.”
- Mitch Hedberg |
|
|
“I think vests are all about protection. You know
what I mean? Like a lifevest protects you from drowning
and bulletproof vests protect you from getting shot
and the sweatervest protects you from pretty girls.
‘Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m
cold just right here?’”
- Demetri Martin |
|
|
“A drunk driver is very dangerous.
So is a drunk
backseat driver if he’s persuasive. ‘Dude,
make a left.’
‘Those are trees!’…
‘Trust me’
- Demetri Martin |
|
|
“You’re never more indignant in life than
when you’re shopping in a store that you feel
is beneath you and one of the other customers mistakes
you for an employee of that store.”
-Dennis Miller |
|
|
“I'm staying at a hotel and it doesn't have a
13th floor 'cause of superstition. But c'mon, you people
on the fourteenth floor, you know what floor you're
really on. If you jump off of the fourteenth floor hoping
to kill yourself, you will die earlier.”
- Mitch Hedberg |
|
|
"Children need encouragement.
So if a kid gets
an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That
way, he develops a good, lucky feeling."
- Jack
Handey
|
|
|
|
|
